the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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