I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
