i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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