I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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