Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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