Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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