you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
