i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
