That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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