wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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