i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just gift wrapped bread.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
