420 ftw
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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