i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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