he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
