Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize