Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I lost the right to judge tonight
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
