Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
