I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
