How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
