yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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