dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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