If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
