cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
