she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
