thus making me awesome and them whores
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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