Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
