i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Help. Why am I so naked?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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