Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
