the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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