my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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