mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
