fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
