I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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