took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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