What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
