I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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