my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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