Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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