literally had 100 drinks last night.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
