The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
