Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize