You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
