we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
