im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize