WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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