We won't sleep together?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
