my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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