it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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