I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
