Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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