I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize