If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The adults are the big ones right?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
