The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
where are my pants?
in the oven.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
