Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
