I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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