Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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