there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Everclear isn't food dammit
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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