Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
