i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Randomize
