guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
