SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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