I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
