If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
