Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
