So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
