youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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