it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
