I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
