My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Randomize
