I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
