So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
