The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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