The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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