Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
