They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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