please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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