I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
