dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
