The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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