Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
